Testimony

     Though my family was considered poor, as a child I didn't realize it.  Not until my pre-teen years did I become aware of our poverty.  As the eldest of four children, I was too occupied with simple childish things to worry about lack of money.  We were taught good Quaker values from our grandpa, who came from Quaker stock.  He had many stories about "the good old days".  He didn't profess to be a Christian, though.   He was the man of the house because Mama was divorced.  She worked hard to feed us and keep clothes on our backs.  She sent us to church if we wanted to go but didn't go herself.  Her remarks standing out in my memory include:  "the church is full of hypocrites" and "charity begins at home" referring to the passing of the offering plate. 
     Even though I didn't have a solid background in Christianity, I always knew that God is real.  Bible stories in Sunday School must have planted some seeds in my soul.
     When I was eleven years old, I had a real experience with God.  I almost drowned in a swimming pool.  I couldn't swim and managed to get in over my head.  I believe it was God who reminded me of my grandpa's advice---"if you ever find yourself drowning, take a gulp of air every time you pop up, hold it, and you'll always pop up again and don't panic."  Even so, I was almost gone when I was finally rescued.   During that desperate struggle for air, I cried out to God to save me.  I told Him I was sorry for every bad thing that I had ever done and promised Him that I would be a missionary.  "I'll be good, I'll be good", was my plea.     
     Later, when I was sixteen years old and a member of the Baptist church, I remembered that promise.  I dedicated my life to be a missionary during a revival service.  Then, because of a series of events, I was hurt and became bitter toward the church.  I guit going to church for many many years.
     After graduating from high school, I joined the Army as W.A.C.  My focus became having a good time.  I worked hard at learning to smoke, cuss, and drink.  I wanted to make up for my shy high school years when I rarely dated  During this time and for many years to come, I was running from God, but He still had His hand upon me.
     It was late on a hot summer night.  I was home early from a date, half drunk, deciding I wanted to go swimming.  The NCO pool was off limits but sometimes some of us would sneak in at night.  This time no one wanted to go so I went alone.  Once over the fence, I began to run for the deep end of the pool to dive in.  Suddenly I heard a loud voice, "STOP!"  I skidded to a stop at the edge, looked down into an empty pool.   Shaken, I looked around  for who had warned me, knowing no one was there.  It was not a human voice that saved me that night, but the voice of God!
     My life was still out of control.  Going my own way led me into so much pain and misery, all the while trying to convince myself I was having "fun".  After awhile, I was convinced that I had totally blown it, that God had written me off as a lost cause.  I was full of self-pity and hatred--for myself and others, also.  I dabbled in the occult.  I married and had two beautiful children but I didn't have a clue how to be a good mother.  I regret that my children had to have such a mess for a mother.  After a divorce, my life continued on a path of bitter pain.
     Finally, I remarried and life became better but I was still empty and depressed.  God was drawing me, though, and I had finally begun to listen.  I had a dream during this time that I was flying up from the earth.  I heard a loud voice saying: "And the earth was split asunder!"  I looked down and saw the earth split in two pieces.  Then I saw millions of people flying up in the air the same as me.  I felt myself leave the atmosphere and my lungs emptied of air.  I knew I was dead. We all gathered together in an endless line in space. I knew that the great judgment was ahead. I was terrified because I knew that I was not ready!.   End of dream.   Needless to say, it turned my thoughts to eternity.
     I went to church occasionally and one evening I was visited by a couple from the last one I had attended.  After they left, I asked Jesus to "make me a good person and to come into my heart."  A few days later I couldn't sleep because the weight of sin was so heavy upon me.  I cried all night, remembering every wicked and evil thing that I had every done.  I knew I was a wretched sinner without hope unless God would forgive me.  I begged for forgiveness.  When morning came, I felt a bit better, hoping that God had heard me and forgave me. 
      But, I thought I was still an awful mess. It seemed to me that it couldn't be that easy, it seemed that there must be more to actually being right with God.   I smoked and to me, smoking loomed as an obstacle keeping me separated from God.  So I asked Him to make me want to quit smoking---(I enjoyed smoking).  A few days later, I noticed a strange thing.  Everything stank like a dirty ashtray.  I had never noticed how horrible cigarettes could smell.  Phew!  Then, it dawned on me that God had answered my prayer.  I was awestruck that He loved me enough to do that!.  With God's help, I quit smoking. 
     During this time period, I had to deal with my doubts about the Bible.  I thought it was full of mistakes and the opinions of men.   How could I believe it?  Then I decided to believe that it is what God wanted to world to have and that it is His Holy Word.  I laid my hand upon the Bible, saying I would believe it even when I didn't understand it.  I still revere the Holy Word of God and the King James Bible is the one I read.
     Still I was depressed.  Where was the joy I should have?  I still supposed that I just wasn't good enough.  Then I went to a strange church with a friend.  They raised their hands and everyone seemed so happy!  I thought church should be solemn and I was a little scared until I met an old acquaintance from high school there.  She was so friendly and full of the joy of the Lord, she made me feel good just being around her.  She invited me to a ladies prayer meeting the following Tuesday morning.  This is where God changed my life!  Though I knew I was forgiven, saved, and headed for heaven someday, still something was missing.  God had prepared me in the preceeding weeks with books, some Christian TV and best of all, His Holy Spirit drawing me.   The teaching that day was about the baptism in the Holy Spirit.   I was eagar to receive it!  The ladies prayed for me and told me it was done.  Okay, but I didn't "feel" anything.  The very next morning, I woke up feeling expantant.  I began to pray softly so not to wake up my family.  I felt the Lord wanted me to pray for my family, then my friends and neighbors.  Next thing I knew, I was praying in an unknown language.  It was so amazing!  No one will ever convince me that it isn't the Holy Spirit within me using my mouth to pray and praise.  It is not spooky.  It is beautiful beyond belief.  That morning was the best day of my entire life!  God loved me!  Whereas the day before, I had been using foul language and was darkly depressed, now I was full of the joy I had longed for.  I didn't have to make any effort, but the cursing left.  The Bible became precious and I couldn't get enough of it.  I was filled with a great love for my family and friends.  I was truly a "new creature" in Christ.  Though we were poor in worldly goods, I was now rich in what really matters.  
     This happened many years ago.  Life has been full of ups and downs, sad times and bad times.  I have messed up more often than not.  There have been times when I have asked God to take me home to heaven because I was overwhelmed by circumstances.  Through it all, God has never left me.  He has always led me through the dark valleys.  I know I am a weak person but He is always ready to forgive me when I repent.  My failures teach me to rely upon Him and not upon me.  I still battle depression---it is a "thorn in my side."  Its my failure, not my Father God's.  I need to mention, too, that other Christians are struggling and that instead of watching them, I have learned to focus on Jesus.  Too many times, others have let me down but Jesus never has.  Not once.
     Jesus Christ died for me---and for you, too.  He is the only way to be saved.  I am so glad to be one of His children, bought with the blood of Jesus.   I pray for you---that you will know Him as your savior and Lord and spend eternity in heaven.   As for the precious Holy Spirit, He is our comforter and guide, ever with us when we belong to God through Jesus.  A darkness is covering this old world like never before in the history of the earth.  I am not afraid.  Not for myself.  I am afraid for those who do not know Jesus.   
     Oh, Father, please use this testimony to help others to  come to know You.   In Jesus' Name.  amen

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God

     This is a copy and paste from the Five Doves Site.   I am crying out for a "clean heart".   Seems the older I grow, the more I realize how utterly unfit I am and how much I need the grace of God every second of every day.  Praise His Holy Name!

“Create in Me a Clean Heart, 0 God”

By A. W. Tozer
Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say
unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see
the kingdom of God.                         -John 3:3

    The miracle of the new birth was foreshadowed in the
Old Testament record: “Create in me a clean heart, 0 God;
and renew a right spirit within me.”

    There was at least a hint of miracle within the human
breast­not the reasoning of yourself into a position, but
something happening that could not be explained!

    Coming into the New Testament, there is no longer any
hinting or suggesting about the miracle of the new birth; it
is boldly and openly declared.  Our Saviour said that if we
come to Him and are not born again, we cannot enter the
kingdom of God - - that we must be born from above.
    Paul told the Corinthians: “If any man be in Christ, he is
a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all
things are become new.”

    You couldn’t make it any stronger than that! Some-thing
 happens in a man’s nature that no man can explain!

    Just the moment that a man’s experience in Christ can
be broken down and explained by the psychologists, we
have a church member on our hands - - and not a Christian!

    For that which must happen in the new birth can never be
explained by psychology or psychiatry. The professional can
only stand off respectfully and say,  “Behold the works of the
Lord.”  He can never explain it!

   And in that great and terrible day to come, many will be
shocked when they find that they depended upon a mental
assent to Christianity instead of upon the miracle of the
new birth!

---

Without One Plea

     Not too long ago, I had a strange dream.   I was standing on a scaffolding high on the side of a tall building.   Suddenly I was knocked off into thin air.  I knew I would fall to my death. 
     The words, "Here I come, Lord, without one plea but the blood of Jesus covers me."  were formed in my mind in that instant.
      When we are facing eternity, I pray that we will all be covered by the blood of Jesus.   There is no other way.   All other roads lead to eternal damnation.   There is nothing we can offer the most high God that He will accept except the blood sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.   Get it straight in your minds.   Repent.  Ask Jesus to save your soul.   Time is soon to be no more.   We have no assurance of another breath.  Jesus loves me, He loves you.........believe in Him.  
      "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16

I Love Katy Kat

KATY

    This is my Katy Kat.   I believe cats are made special by God for lonely folks---most assuredly for lonely old ladies like me.   He saw to it that I was given Katy to keep my life at least a little interesting.   She is almost like having a toddler under foot.   She pesters.   She cries.   She plays without regard for what she breaks in the process.   Nice thing, though, I don't have to change diapers.   Another nice thing is she hardly ever bites anymore!    Oh yes, she had be be broken of that despicable habit.   A squirt bottle of water does the trick.   I could be the doting "mother" and fill pages and pages all about Katy but that's 'nuff for now.   I love my Katy Kat.

The Entertainment Idol

THE ENTERTAINMENT IDOL

Jesus wept

while

His own slept

Jesus knows

He understands

our trials and woes

and what is in

the heart of man's

selfish being,

worshiping

instead of Him,

gods of greed

and unholy

entertainment!

Entertain us

we demand!

Destroyer of

our land

what innocently

began

as

just a little fun,

distraction and

relaxation

has warped into

a

demon deity

gobbling hungrily

bored humanity,

laying waste

youth,

man, woman, child.

Twisting truth

Innocence defiled.

A pagan god,

Entertainment!

Worshipped in vain,

devouring everything.

Leaving behind

dazed and warped

minds.

"fun", obsession

or is it

demon possession?

Ignoring God's salvation

for hellish recreation.

Idols

called fun and games

sports

the devil's vision

television

pornography

computer trash

We worship it all

We neglect to call

on our Father

Instead,

we curse His Name!

When the trumpet

blasts clear,

will we even hear?

Or

will we be

dizzy, drugged

blinded

filthy

fated to be

separated eternally

from

Holiness and purity

forever

loosing sight

of Heaven's light.

God help

this

generation!

OUR GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD

COME, LORD JESUS!

11/20/10

COME, LORD JESUS

COME, LORD JESUS

Right seems wrong

Wrong seems right

Evil sings her torrid song

In the thick dark night

Folks are blind and cannot see

Their greed is the seed of war

Constantly crying, "What about me?"

"Give me, give me, give me more."

"Come into my parlor" the demon spider said

"I offer every pleasure

I've spun this lovely sticky web

I'll ruin your body and mess with your head."

Love is lost to lust

Giving is lost to greed

Riches are turned to rust

Gardens are turned to weed

Lord Jesus, I long to see You come

You will turn this world around

Darkness will give way to the Son

Your pure Holiness will abound.

Come

Lord

JESUS!

January, 2011

Why I Read

WHY I READ

Lord, I have a story to tell

Like a babe growing within

Causing my old soul to swell

Yearning for life to begin

I  dread the pain that will be

When the words finally start

Flowing from the depth of me

Bruising and crushing my heart

So far and up until now

I've dribbled and squandered

Skirting around it, somehow

Off the path I've wandered

I distract myself by reading

What others have to say

All the while I'm needing

To face myself in yesterday

So, reading is an escape, you see

Hiding from my failure fright

And the story that is within me

Is withering for lack of light

But it must be born someday

Else it will die with me

God, help me write my say

Set my soul-baby free!

12-09-09